FREAKSHOW Issue 8
This issue has been building up for a long time (OOOOh God, OOOh God,
yeeesssss...). Its time for the first ever SEX issue of FREAKSHOW.
After the overwhelming amount of negative response I got to the "wind
the coil around your dick article", I thought a whole issue was
appropriate.
Sorry about the delay with this issue, my spring break was not
particularly amenable to putting out new issues, so now I've gotta get
'er going. There will probably be a *bunch* of issues this quarter,
as just the backlog of weird stuff that I have is large.
ian
[This was sent to me by a very hip tech faculty member. No futher
comment. ---ian]
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> From @ncsuvm.cc.ncsu.edu:laurab@lenny.corp.sgi.com Thu Mar 4 14:39:52 1993
> Posted-Date: Thu, 4 Mar 93 10:51:43 -0800
> Received-Date: Thu, 4 Mar 93 14:39:52 EST
> Date: Thu, 4 Mar 93 10:51:43 -0800
> From: laurab%lenny.corp.sgi.com@ncsuvm.cc.ncsu.edu (Laura Beatty)
> Message-Id: <9303041851.AA25515@lenny.corp.sgi.com>
> To: primitives@scorch.EBay.Sun.COM
> Subject: Has anyone tried this?
> Content-Length: 7511
>
>
> If anyone has tried this can you please contact me? The editor
> of Future Sex magazine is looking for someone who is articulate
> and literate who could either write an article or be interviewed.
> Please, only serious responses... (PLEASE!?)
>
> THANKS,
> laura
>
> laurab@corp.sgi.com
>
> ************************************************** >
>
> all about electronic masturbation
> version 1.0
> 7 January 1993
>
> SYNOPSIS. This textfile describes self-stimulation for men by means
> of electrodes and low-voltage, carefully controlled electric current.
> This technique is vaguely similar to the electrical stimulation
> which is used to extract semen from stud bulls (but it probably
> feels better).
>
> When you talk about running electricity through someone's genitals,
> most people think of torture. However, we have found that low power,
> high frequency (audio) current can produce some very interesting
> tingling and throbbing sensations.
>
> We have been reluctant to publish this information in the past, for
> fear that 1) a lot of people might get addicted to this technique,
> and 2) it might be used to extract semen from men against their will.
> We are in a reckless mood today and have decided to spill the beans.
>
> WARNINGS. Like everything that feels good, this method has risks.
> There is a remote chance that this method can cause tissue burns;
> molecules migrating from the electrodes can theoretically cause
> heavy metal poisoning; if you use a plugged-in amplifier and tone
> source (instead of battery powered) there is chance of getting
> shocked or electrocuted; use of electrodes that have not been
> sanitized could spread disease or cause infection. Proceed at your
> own risk. Because we have no control over the manner in which this
> information is used, we assume no liability for damages resulting
> from its implementation.
>
> If you are electronically illiterate -- if you've never handled
> a wire stripper and soldering iron -- DO NOT attempt to perform
> the experiments described below.
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * >
> PHASE ONE. You will need the following items:
>
> 1) An audio amplifier, with 1 to 5 watts per channel of output power.
> Battery-powered is best for safety reasons, although we have used
> plug-in amplifiers for several years with only one unpleasant
> accident. Do not use an expensive, high-power amplifier; they can
> be damaged by short circuits and by being connected to loads of
> unusual impedances (which is what we'll be doing).
>
> 2) A tone generator of some sort. An electronic music synthesizer
> will work; or you can use a tone generator like those found in an
> electronics workshop. (Hint: sine waves feel better than square
> waves.) A battery-powered tone source is safer than a plug-in unit.
> Do not use an electric guitar.
>
> 3) Insulated, solid (not multi-strand), 18-guage copper wire.
>
> 4) Soldering iron, solder, wire stripper, maybe some connectors.
>
> Cut a piece of wire 10 feet (3 meters) long. Strip 3/4 inch (2 cm)
> of insulation from one end. Form the exposed wire into an elliptical
> loop. Solder the loop closed with a single, rounded bead of solder.
> You want a nice smooth loop of wire and a nice smooth bead of solder
> holding it closed -- no rough spots. Strip a bit of insulation from
> the other end of the wire and connect it to the left channel "hot"
> output of the amplifier. (The "hot" terminal is usually color-coded
> red. If the amplifier output uses RCA phono-plug outputs, the "hot"
> wire is attached to the center conductor of the jack.)
>
> Cut another piece of wire 10 feet long. Strip 1.5 inches (4 cm) of
> insulation from one end. Make it into a loop, as above. Connect
> the other end of this wire to the left channel "ground" output of the
> amplifier.
>
> Set the amplifier's volume control to MINIMUM. Set your tone source
> to produce a continuous tone of about 440 Hz (cycles per second).
> That's the "A" below "middle C" on a musical keyboard. Insert the
> small loop electrode just inside your urethra -- don't shove it
> very far in. Insert the big loop electrode just inside your anus.
>
> Now SLOWLY turn up the amplifier's volume control. Experiment with
> different tone frequencies and waveforms. If you produce some
> sensations that you like, congratulations. If none of these
> sensations feel good to you, this method is not for you; sorry.
>
> WARNING: Don't touch any plugged-in appliances while you are wired up!
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * >
> PHASE TWO. If you liked phase one, you'll eventually want to move
> on to phase 2. For this you need two different tone generators, a
> stereo amplifier, and more electrodes.
>
> The amp's left channel "hot" output is connected to a small loop > electrode just inside the urethra, as before; and also to a large > loop electrode around the "head" or "neck" of the sex-wiener. Use > some sort of conductant around this external electrode, such as > skin moisturizing cream, to get a more pleasant sensation. >
> The amp's left channel "ground" output is connected to a small loop
> electrode 2 or 3 inches deeper into the urethra than the "hot"
> electrode. Make this electrode carefully, and test it to be sure
> that it won't come apart (i.e. that the wire loop won't come open).
> If the loop comes open when you're trying to pull the electrode out,
> the wire will scrape your urethra -- a bloody, painful experience
> which can be avoided by proper electrode construction. Also, be
> careful not to nick the wire while stripping the insulation off it;
> you don't want to weaken the wire because the loop might break off. >
> The amp's right channel "hot" electrode is connected to a scrotum
> (balls) electrode. There are at least 2 types of scrotum electrode;
> you need to be sitting down to use either type. One method is to use
> the handles (not the cutting blades) of a pair of all-metal scissors;
> lightly clamp them onto the scrotum, between the two sex-nuts, and
> apply some conductive liquid such as skin moisturizing cream. The
> other method is to cut a two inch square piece of synthetic sponge,
> wrap some exposed wire around it, dip it in salt water, put it on a
> coaster or small plastic tray, then sit down in a position that causes
> the sponge to gently press into your sex-nuts.
>
> The amp's right channel "ground" output is connected to a big loop
> electrode just inside the anus.
>
> The output of one tone generator is connected to the left input of
> the amplifier; the other tone source is connected to the right input.
> By playing two slightly different tones on the two tone sources, you
> can produce some very interesting sensations. For example, play
> the "A below middle C" on the left channel, and play the "A" an
> octave higher on the right channel. Or play "C" on one channel
> and the adjacent "C sharp" on the other channel.
>
> We have produced a cassette tape of tones that feel good when played
> into genital electrodes. If there is enough interest, we will find
> a way to make it available.
>
> We have not found much recorded music that feels good when played into
> electrodes, although some parts of Kraftwerk's "Radioactivity" album
> (on CD from Capitol records) aren't bad (especially the tunes "Radio
> Stars" and "Uranium"). Generally, the drums and bass notes in pop
> music don't feel very good. Maybe orchestral or "new age" music would
> feel better.
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * >
> produced by STEM (Society for Technologically Enhanced Masturbation)
> This document is public domain and may be freely re-distributed.
> Share and enjoy!
['Graham the man at stanford' spotted this one. 99X here in atlanta
used to play 'the detachable penis song' but the FCC stopped them.
Shucks, and I even kinda liked it. --ian]
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Date: Wed, 24 Feb 93 14:55:36 PST
From: Daniel.Rosenberg@Corp.Sun.COM (Daniel M. Rosenberg)
To: kzsu@Csli.Stanford.EDU
Subject: Re: Detatchable Penis song, what are the ru
In article 2163@gagme.chi.il.us, john@zygot.ati.com (John Higdon) writes:
>
>mac18@po.CWRU.Edu (Michael A. Cornell) writes:
>
>> Hey, the modern rock station here in Cleveland, WENZ, just started playing
>> this King Missile song called "Detachable Penis". This song has the word
>> "penis" said many times, probably about 100.
>
>> So what's the rule on this?
>
>I searched Vol. 47 under "Detachable Penis" and came up empty. But
>checking auxiliary sources I came up with some information that may be
>helpful.
>
>The word "penis" may be used without limit on bonafide doctor programs.
>One particular edition of the Dr. Dean Edell program revealed a penis
>count of around 10 within a two-minute period. However, there is strong
>opinion that penis counts in songs must be limited to two per minute.
>The FCC uses a "sliding penis scale", based upon distance in meters from
>either coast. Minimum penis allowance applies to Manhattan, Kansas,
>although Chicago has a strong influence from Lake Michigan.
>
>Local inquiries indicate that the range in the southern Bay Area is
>from zero penis (the previous administration's ideal) to approximately
>ten daily. There are, of course, governing factors, but it would seem
>that the song in question easily exceeds even coastal penis allowances.
>An important consideration is the doctrine of "penis averaging". You
>may find that the average daily penis count of WENZ for the previous
>three penis-averaging years to be sufficiently low as to allow a
>limited airing of the song. There are bonus allowances for penis-free
>years.
>
>On the other hand, a rule which may still be in effect is the "penis
>substitution penalty". Put in simplest terms, a word such as "cock" is
>worth four uses of penis. "Wee-wee" carries no penalty, and does not
>count against the daily penis allowance.
>
>You need not worry about enforcement. The FCC has installed new
>equipment in the top twenty radio markets that tallies the uses of
>limited allowance words. When WENZ's penis allowance expires, an
>automatic citation will be sent with an invoice for forfeiture.
>
>My question for y'all is: Does the issuance of the citation reset the
>penis counter and/or change the allowance? No one seems to be clear on
>this.
>
>> Just curious
>
>Me too.
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
[I asked my friend and former roommate mike gourlay to do a little
analysis of the forces involved in the "wind a coil around your dick"
article. At first he wanted a copy of the article again, and then
sent this. Beauty. ---ian]
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I thought about it for a while, and I don't need to see the original
article: Polarity of the battery doesn't matter since the metal filings
aren't polarized. If you think about it, consider what would be necessary
for a system to work such that a magenetic field would _help_ the motion of
something passing through it. That's a violation of ocnservation of
energy. I mean, it's like a positive feedback look. Generally in physics
things work out such that change it resisted. So if metal was passing
through a current coil, a current would be induced in the metal such that
it generated a magnetic field in the opposite direction of the coil's
field. That means that polarity of the coil's field doesn't matter.
Also, for this metal filings thing to work, you'd either need a complete
circuit, which means that you'd have to have a continuous stream of semen
coming out of you and onto a metal platform on which you were standing.
Alternatively, the semen could quirt out such that it approximated a
circuit, which would mean that it would have to be travelling near light
speeds and steadily for the duration of the orgasm-- a 10 light-second long
stream of metal filled goo.
Either way, semen has to make its way out before a current could be
induced, which defeats the purpose of the original article.
I'll let you know if I come up with any way of working this.
--
Michael J. Gourlay mike@penguin.gatech.edu
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An Answer to a Man's Question,
"What Can I Do about Women's Liberation?"
Susan Griffin
Wear a dress.
Wear a dress that you made yourself, or bought in a dress store.
Wear a dress and undemeath the dress wear elastic. around your
hips, and underneath your nipples.
Wear a dress and undemeath the dress wear a sanitary napkin.
Wear a dress and wear sling-back. high-heeled shoes.
Wear a dress, with elastic and a sanitary napkin undemeath,
and sling-back shoes on your feet, and walk down Telegraph Avenue.
Wear a dress, with elastic and a sanitary napkin and sling back shoes
on Telegraph Avenue and try to run.
Find a man.
Find a nice man who you would like to ask you for a date.
Find a nice man who will ask you for a date.
Keep your dress on.
Ask the nice man who asks you for a date to come to dinner.
Cook the nice man a nice dinner so the dinner is ready before
he comes and your dress is nice and clean and wear a smile.
Tell the nice man you're a virgin, or you don't have
birth control, or you would like to get to know him better.
Keep your dress on.
Go to the movies by yourself.
Find a job.
Iron your dress.
Wear your ironed dress and promise the boss you won't get
pregnant (which in your case is predictable and you like to
type, and be sincere and wear your smile.
Find a job or get on welfare.
Borrow a child and get on welfare.
Borrow a child and stay in the house all day with the child,
or go to the public park with the child, and take the child
to the welfare office and cry and say your man left you
and be humble and wear your dress and your smile, and don't talk
back, keep your dress on, cook more nice dinners, stay
way from Telegraph Avenue, and still, you won't know
the half of it, not in a million years.
==From OPEN LINES: Gay and Lesbian Poetry of Our Times, edited by Joan
Larkin and Carl Morse
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"What's 'Freakshow'?"
"Freakshow? Well, er, uh, it's kinda like a garbage can for the internet."
"Why?"
"Huh?"
"Forget it. Whaddayamean a 'garbage can'?"
"I dunno. Shut up and ask Ian. That's spelled: iansmith@cc.gatech.edu."