FREAKSHOW Issue 6
I've been really busy with school so I haven't had that much time to
do research for freakshow. This issue is all nandos, but they are
so good that I just couldn't wait put out a real "new" issue, so they
made it up entirely. . I hope these articles give you a
nice break from your final exam studying. FREAKSHOW ISSUE 7 will
probably come out very soon, as I have a bunch more nandos ready
to go out.
ian
[The next two articles were snarfed by keith edwards. He deserves a
big hand (coil) for this work. --ian]
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=---------------------------------
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Angel of Wind")
Subject: (n@Nd0) Re: electronic self-stimulation
Date: 15 Feb 93 23:29:25 GMT
Too complicated. I can offer some better advice.
First eat six tablespoonsful of very fine iron filings. You can
usually get these in the drugstore. You can swallow them plain or in
clam chowder but the easiest way is to mix them into ground beef and
have hamburgers. The hamburgers will be a little gritty but believe me,
it's worth it. Now wait about fourteen hours.
Get yourself hard and then wrap your penis completely in coils of
insulated bell wire up to the base of the glans. The aluminum fiber
kind is better than the solid copper kind, because it is more flexible.
Attach a twelve-volt battery to the wires and wire in a 200 microfarad
capacitor, which will charge up right away. If you wound the wire
clockwise, be sure to attach the top end to the positive terminal on the
battery; otherwise attach the bottom end.
Now is the tricky part: You have to have an orgasm; most men find
this challenging when their penises are wrapped in aluminum wire. Some
things that might help: Apply a vibrator to the base of your penis or to
your perineum; have a friend stimulate your prostate or use a vibratore
rectally; have a friend fellate the head of your penis. (Mine is too
sensitive for this last.)
What happens next? When you ejaculate, your seminal fluid is loaded
with iron; as it passes through your urethra, it induces a current in
the coiled wire which is counter to the flow of current from the
battery. The battery is still supplying power, though, and will induce
a counter magnetic field in your semen which will stop it and slam it
back where it came from. The sensation when this happens is just
incredible. (It's a well-known Taoist sexual technique if you use your
fingers to reverse the semen instead of electromagnetism.) Best of all,
you can do it again in a couple of minutes.
I advise that persons with penis piercings or other urethral
mutilations avoid trying this. If you don't have a penis I can't offer
any good advice on adapting this technique for your own use; if you have
any good ideas please let me know.
Hope this helps. Followups to alt.sex.
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=---------------------------------
From: keith@cc.gatech.edu (Keith Edwards)
Subject: cattle mutilations
Date: Thu, 4 Mar 93 12:51:04 EST
This made it to the Journal/Constitution the day before yesterday (and who
says we don't have a good paper! :-)
It should be good fodder for alt.alien.visitors...I'm gonna post it there and
also mail it to John_-_Winston, the overlord nut of that newsgroup.
-k
---
>From the Atlanta Journal/Constitution
March 2, 1993
Reprinted without permission. All typos mine.
ARE COW KILLERS FROM UFOS?
Invaders in Alabama leave no blood, tracks
By Jack Wilkinson
STAFF WRITER
SAND MOUNTAIN, ALA - Who's killing the great cows of Sand Mountain?
Some suspect aliens in UFOs. Some say satanists. Or else it's
government agents swooping down in helicopters for the kill. Or
exposure to TVA high-power lines. Or it's cow murderers, impure and
simple.
Whoever, it's udder chaos up here. As Ted Oliphant says, "There's
strange things afoot."
Ahoof, too. Since October, 26 animals - nearly all cows - have been
mutilated in several small, rural communities on this mountain in
northeast Alabama. Nearly all have been killed in the same manner, with
precise, bloodless, almost high-tech surgical incisions that removed
various animal parts: tongues, teeth, eyes, ears, hearts and excretory
and sexual organs.
And when the animals are found in pastures, there are no footprints. No
tire tracks. No trails. No blood either.
"It's pure Sherlock Holmes and one of the weirdest cases I've ever seen
in my life," said Mr. Oliphant, a Fyffe policeman investigating the
killings. "We've got no witnesses, no motive, no suspects. The only
thing we've got is the animals left behind."
The mystery is enhanced by two factors: helicopters and UFOs.
According to Mr. Oliphant, 95 percent of the cases have involved reports
of helicopter sightings, often with red, green and white lights or blue
and white ones. Last month, Jean Cole, the wife of Albertville Chief
Detective Tommy Cole, saw a copter in their back yard. She saw four men
in business suits sitting in it. When she spied them, the copter flew
off. The next day, Detective Cole found a blank Angus mutilated, its
sexual organs and rectum removed.
"I've seen many animals killed by predators, and there's always blood
around," said Detective Cole. "I've never seen anything like it. I
don't know what it was. I've been in the livestock business 35 years.
I've had many, many dead cows and bulls, but none like that."
Furthermore, Fyffe is the "UFO Capital of Alabama," as proclaimed by the
Alabama state Senate in 1989 after several UFO sightings that year. Mr.
Oliphant, 33, once a filmmaker who made a documentary on UFOs, moved
here 2 1/2 years ago to study the phenomenon. A year later, he became a
cop to better understand the populace and the effects of life in the UFO
Capital of Alabama.
Now Mr. Oliphant is investigating another phenomenon. Thousands of such
cow mutilations have occurred across the United States since 1967.
Linda Moulton Howe, a Philadelphia filmmaker who made a documentary and
wrote a book on the subject, arrived in Fyffe last weekend with a film
crew. She's convinced that aliens are responsible.
Margret Pope agrees. The Geraldine woman had a calf mutilated earlier
this month. At first she suspected coyotes. But not with the calf's
udders removed. "Like somebody had sliced it off - a straight cut, not
like an animal," said Mrs. Pope. There was a 4-inch round incision on
the left shoulder and a circular cut on the left side of the jaw. The
teeth were gone.
"There was no sign of a struggle," said Mrs. Pope. "No blood, nothing.
Just laying there, with its parts cut out. I think it's UFOs, because
of lots of lights in the sky, no disturbance on the ground. And the
cuts were too precise. But you just watch who you say [aliens] to. I
don't wanna be made fun of. We're not weird. And this isn't fun."
Not for John Strawn of Albertville, who's patrolling his land at night
to protect his cattle. "This ol' boy don't believe in little green men
and flying saucers, because it ain't," he said. "It's strange, but it
ain't [aliens]. If we wanna make up stories, we can do better than
this."
"I heard one story that it was a swamp ape. I like that one pretty
good, a lot better than I like aliens. They ain't no aliens piloting
these helicopters, I can tell you. We got cow murderers over here,
that's all there is to it."
Mr. Strawn insists he's seen helicopters in pastures at night. Earlier
this month, Doug Segers said he saw a helicopter forcing his 42 cattle
into a corner of his pasture. Mr. Segers was carrying his .30-30 rifle.
When he ran to his truck, the copter took off.
Who's responsible? Is it merely bovine intervention? Another theory:
Government agents, flying in low-level helicopters at night, are killing
animals and removing their organs to study the effects (testing for
cancer and other diseases) on livestock living near high-power lines.
The most recent mutilation occurred Feb. 17, when P.T. Williams of Arab
found one of his black Angus calves with its reproductive organs, tongue
and right eye removed.
"I'm not saying there are mutilation cases in this county that have not
happened," said Jimmy Miller, an investigator for the Alabama Department
of Agriculture. "But what I've seen have not been mutilation cases.
Except for Tommy's. There were body parts removed from his that
couldn't have been removed by predators."
"Predators don't do this," said Mr. Oliphant. "And if it was a satanic
cult, they'd use knives and there'd be blood. They'd do it in secrecy
and not with high technology. Everybody wants me to tell 'em it's a
satanic cult, because this is the heart of the Bible Belt and they want
an easy explanation so they can be done with it. They don't wanna look
at the scientific facts. The evidence doesn't lead to that.
"We've got more than one group doing this," said Mr. Oliphant. "We've
got the unexplained events, with high technology, cauterization of
wounds. And we've got something I can't release right now."
So the folks on Sand Mountain wait and watch. Watch carefully for close
encounters of the herd kind.
"I ain't had no problems yet, but I ain't taking any chances," said
Bradley Waddell, a Fyffe city employee who also owns five acres of land
and five head of livestock. "Now I check 'em twice a day. I don't know
who's doing this. But anybody who would has to be awful sick."
---
The story is accompanied by three pictures.
Picture #1 is of a farmer standing in a field with cows around him. The
caption reads, "Bradley Waddell: 'I check 'em twice a day. I don't know
who's doing this. But anybody who would has to be awful sick.' "
Picture #2 is of a number of dead cows in a field (at least they appear
to be dead - they're laying on their sides). The caption reads, "Cow
mutilations on Sand Mountain - 26 since October - resemble thousands
across the United States since 1967."
Picture #3 is of Ted Oliphant, the filmmaker-turned-detective, looking
at a photograph of a mutilated cow. The caption reads, "Ted Oliphant
says, 'It's pure Sherlock Holmes and one of the weirdest cases I've ever
seen in my life.' "
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=---------------------------------
[A friend of friend at stanford is on the debbie gibson mailing list
for grins. He excerpts the best stuff and I get hold of it. Now
it's in freakshow. This is one individual who is REALLY hard up
for entertainment as well as a radio. Kudos to alan ramaley at
stanford for the story. --ian]
-= I'M LOSIN' MYSELF OVER DEBBIE GIBSON =-
Jeff Tharp - Indianapolis, Indiana
Anything is possible, but I was so close to forever to be silenced. Ever have
one of those days where everything seemed so right but on the other hand
something went wrong?
On Sunday, February 7, 1993, a dream almost came true. I made it through the
telephone line to speak with John Garabedian of Open House Party. First you
reach the switchboard and they decide who gets to talk with John Garabedian.
Well I was a lucky caller that night, but for some reason John G. was not in
the mood to play Debbie Gibson. I don't understand, but I had an interesting
phone conversation with the switchboard.
OHP = Open House Party JT = Jeff Tharp JG = John Garabedian
OHP: Hello? What do you want to hear?
JT: I'm losing myself over Debbie Gibson! Can you please play her new song?
OHP: Yes, of course [chuckles]! It's about time somebody asked for Debbie
Gibson! I think it's so unfair how the media and radio stations are
treating Debbie. Do you know why she doesn't get much or any airplay?
JT: Why, I think so.
OHP: Debbie is still being labeled Miss Teeny Bopper. They think she only
brings in the teen boppers which is not so. According to radio stations,
record companies want to release sexual lyrics only because that's what
the radio listeners want. Atlantic Records wanted Debbie to start
singing with sex listed. Debbie refused their orders. I used to think
Debbie as "Teen Queen" until we had her in the studio two years ago. She
won all my attention. Debbie Gibson is a very talented young lady. We
brought in a keyboard and boy did she put on a jam session! She deserves
all the airplay she deserves. Jeff, can we put you on hold?
JT: I guess.
OHP: We're going to put you on the other line with John Garabedian.
JT: Super!
OHP: Hang on.
[2 minutes later]
JG: Hello, Open House Party. What do you want to hear?
JT: I'm losing myself over Debbie Gibson! Please, oh please play her new
song for me!
JG: [Chuckles before answering] You must be in her fan club.
JT: Why, of course [as I sounded very proud].
JG: Has Debbie called you yet?
JT: Not yet.
JG: Well keep praying for your call and thank you for calling. Bye bye.
That was it. I stayed up until midnight, but my request was never played. It
didn't make any sense. A month before, John interviewed Debbie live and the
week before, she won the call in contest with 84% for "Losin' Myself."
There is a big demand out there for Debbie Gibson. Why do radio stations
refuse to play her songs? I think we should have a poll of radio stations who
are playing the song "Losin' Myself." It's so unfair!
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=---------------------------------
[This is from the British Sunday Express. It appears to be their
analogue of Creative Loafing's "Golden Hog" awards. I got from a
buddy of mine at "u dub" (voelker@cs.washington.edu)... --ian]
The following is from the British Sunday Express giving Gongs (medals)
for dubious distinctions in 1992.
Tortoise Trophy--
British Rail, which ingeniously solved the problem of lateness in the
InterCity express train service by redefining "on time" to include trains
arriving within one hour of schedule.
Rubber Cushion--
John Bloor who mistook a tube of superglue for his haemorrhoid cream and
glued his buttocks together.
Crimewatch Cup--
Gold star: Henry Smith, arrested moments after returning home with a
stolen stereo. His error was having tattooed on his forehead in large
capitals letters the words "HENRY SMITH". His lawyer told the court: "My
client is not a very bright young man".
Silver star: Michael Robinson, who rang police to deliver a bomb hoax,
but became so agitated about the mounting cost of the call that he began
screaming "Call me back" and left his phone number.
Bronze star: Paul Monkton, who used as his getaway vehicle a van with his
name and phone number painted in foot-high letters on the side.
British Cup--
To passengers on a jam-packed train from Margate to Victoria who averted
their eyes while John Henderson and Zoe D'Arcy engaged in oral sex and
then moved onto intercourse, but complained when they lit up post-coital
cigarettes in a non-smoking compartment.
Flying Cross--
To Percy the Pigeon, who flopped down exhausted in a Sheffield loft
having beaten 1,000 rivals in a 500 mile race and was immediately eaten
by a cat. The 90 minute delay in finding his remains and handing his
identification tag to the judges relegated Percy from first to third
place.
Lazarus Laurel--
To Julia Carson who as her tearful family gathered round her coffin in a
New York funeral parlour, sat bolt upright and asked what the hell was
going on. Celebrations were short lived since Mrs. Carlson's daughter,
Julie, immediately dropped dead from shock.
Silver Bullet--
To poacher Marino Malerba who shot dead a stag standing above him on an
overhanging rock,and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
-----------------------------=* FREAKSHOW *=---------------------------------
[Being the quasi-meta-crypto-anarchist-democrat I felt that I should
do my part to inform american audiences about singapore. Ugh.
Think of singapore as kind of a permanent Republican administration.
--ian]
From: Eric Hughes
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: cryptographic activism
Date: Mon, 1 Mar 93 18:38:20 -0800
Dave Deltorto, in a message to the list last week, was all fired up to
start some real political activism in this country. More power to
him.
May I suggest publicly, though, Dave, that you broaden your focus?
The US really does work pretty well. For example, Fourth Amendment
protections agains search and seizure, while eroding in some ways, are
still basically intact. I do not claim that the US does not have
problems, just that the nature of governmental violence against its
own citizenry is much lower here than in other countries. Therefore I
suggest that we extend an international hand of cryptographic aid.
I suggest that we start with Singapore. Singapore is highly
industrialized has a good telecommunications base. So good, in fact,
that it supports their national payment and identity card system.
Purchases really are tracked and data is filtered to look for unusual
behavior. The subway and the toll booths all take the payment card.
Singapore is, in many ways, the crypto-anarchist's worst nightmare.
I do not know if the government there has cryptography restrictions,
but I'm sure they will soon, if only as reaction. So now is the time
for all of you folks to start writing your steganographic
(information-disguising) applications! They are actually useful here.
I would suggest that interested parties listen in on
soc.culture.singapore for a while, and then carefully broach the
subject about deploying secure communications.
This is about as real-world as it gets, folks. The need for
cryptography as a tool against oppression is real. In the US and
Europe we deploy it to prevent oppression in the future, and we must
be grateful that is the future we speak about. Nevertheless, others
are not so fortunate. It behooves us to consider them.
Singapore is not the only place in the world this is useful; it is
only my first suggestion.
Eric